Now that prom and everything is over and I'm here recollecting my 6+4 years in St Nicks, I guess it's time I really get my life sort out. This time, I'm kind enough to let my dream live for another week. Benevolent much?
Two years ago, I was given a choice. Present or new? I wanted so much the latter but I asked myself, am I willing to give up a 8-year relationship, am I willing to give up what I’ve achieved the past 2 year? I was so close on embarking on my new dream. I tried, I almost got it, I could appeal. But I didn’t. After much painstaking struggles, I chose the former – present. I started on my 9th year fresh and new but little did I know, I went deeper and deeper until I couldn’t see the light anymore. I agree I’ve indeed learnt a lot, given many opportunities, experienced many new things and made many new friends but along the way, I lost myself. It’s so funny when it comes to a point where you don’t know how to control your life and you leave the show to run itself. Tears wasted, years gone. The 10th year flew past in a blink of an eye too. I wonder, what will happen if the decision I made 2 years ago was a different one? Will life be better for me now? Or worse? However, there’s a fact I know very clearly: If I’d chosen the place, I wouldn’t have met the people. Perhaps, I’d meet another group of people? Better or not, I don’t know though.
But, I’ve chosen the people, and forsaken the place.
What did I let down? My dreams, or, still, my dreams?
Is it wrong to dream, too much?
Battle-scarred; it was really tough.
再见了，我的回忆。
再见了，我的梦想。
再见了，H。
Walk In Love #666
Masquerade 2009. From organising to getting things done to the event itself, it was a total blast. I wouldn't say it was a total success because of hiccups here and there, but it definitely ended on a pleasant (I hope) and high note. Thankfully I got my dress and heels early so I didn't have to rush the past week. Music till afternoon was postponed so I could get there by 3pm. Hair was done within an hour, lunch was just grab-and-go, make up thanks to Mummy and transport to in-between-Swissotel-and-Fairmont thanks to Daddy (: So, got there to meet OT and PA people, got things done, started rehearsing, then with everything settled, we waited outside till 7pm. Of course, that was camwhoring time! Food was good, programme went on smoothly and soon before I know, it was all coming to an end. It was heartwarming to see everyone doing the family dance, singing the school song and saying the pledge with gusto. Perhaps it was the "last" everyone wanted to treasure and remember. I was glad I didn't cry, not at all. Because I believe this isn't the end but a new beginning. It's just goodnight and not goodbye.
P.S. Heels are awfully torturing :/
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Walk In Love #665
Saturday went out with Huai Chyn to Barker's carnival. Sigh, I miss the school real bad :/ Then we went to Island Creamery to cool ourselves because Barker was burning hot. Pear sake and durian! Haha, getting lost with her is real fun, so let's do it again someday!
Suntec on Sunday was great. Simply because there weren't many people for a holiday-Sunday due to APEC, so we didn't have to squeeze. Started trying to walk in heels and boy, it sucks! My feet were aching and hurting like crazy D:
Monday, went back to school for prom meeting. The school looks empty, now that they're moving everything to the holding sites (yes, primary and secondary will be separated for 2 years). Then after meeting, went to Bugis area with Alison and Gerry to get logistics stuff for prom. The masquerade masks are awesome-ly cheap and good (: Then Alison went off and I shopped around with Gerry with her prom dress. Yay, sales are starting, that means I can start buying! I just like the kind of feeling when you buy something that's on sales and it's still not-the-leftovers-from-the-warehouse (: But still, it's best to shop on 31st December because then, the discount can be as good as 70% !
Tuesday was time-to-start-packing-up-my-room-day. Gosh, I ended up sneezing the whole day and was so exhausted. Better be smart and put on a mask the next time!
Briefly organised my wardrobe today and now, it looks like rainbow! Then Daddy came back from golf and off we went to Pasir Ris to visit my hairstylist. Got my hair trimmed and treatment-ed. Now it smells of peppermint, nice (:
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Walk In Love #664
Friends. Who are they?
First time, I pretend not to care. Second time, you fit me somewhere, anywhere. Third time, I don't believe. Fourth time, I convinced myself I didn't see anything. Fifth time, my heart is dead.
Honestly, I don't have any more feelings I used to have for a particular group of people. Not because they're not great people, but me who can't catch up with them. I will always be left behind somehow. So, was it worth trying to have feelings for it initially? I think so, not.
Maybe I'm that insignificant.
a365formyself
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Walk In Love #663
General Certificate of Education Ordinary Level has finally ended. 4 years of secondary school was all summarized into 3 short weeks. Although the journey was long and arduous, I start missing it quite a bit now.
Os in a nutshell…
26th Oct – English. First day of Os. No matter how hard everyone tries, no one is able to hide away those stress she’s facing. People arrive more than an hour early. Then, the time finally arrived when everyone assembled in the hall. Mr Wong assured us, “If they can do it, you can too!” He then led us in a prayer and there we go, first paper. Paper I was rather “shocking”, at least that was what the majority of us thought but people from other schools all said it was easy :O Paper II was way much better. When I came out, the sky was already dark. It was 6pm.
27th Oct – Emath Paper I. Wasn’t so worried for this paper. As usual, assembled in the hall for final tips and prayer. It was sweet of the Mathematics department, for that “10 hearts” they gave us. However, I came out feeling more anxious than before I went in. Nvm, move on. At night, the Math teachers narrowed down the topics for us to concentrate on. Thank you (:
28th Oct – Emath Paper II. Well, I’m a little more worried for Paper II because those tys that I did weren’t very good. Mrs Yeo was so funny and sporting. She live demo-ed the different graphs for us! Btw, received 2 calls today. Thank you, MLIG!
29th Oct – Amath Paper I. Just do my best, yeah. What a killer paper. Punching bag, where are you?
30th Oct – Amath Paper II. Why didn’t I just give you up, you heartbreaker. Period.
2nd Nov – SS, you really very assass. I don’t like you D: Chemistry Paper II, not much comment. 3 days to study, not very long eh.
6th Nov – Most afraid of this day. 3 papers that require the most memory work and the most writing. Elit Paper I unseen was okay but I don’t enjoy anything related to that ancient bull whale. Elit Paper II, I don’t even know what you’re asking luh! Biology Paper II, sigh bio sigh.
10th Nov – HCL Paper I and II. Comparatively easy (: But I didn’t have enough time to elaborate for Paper I’s gong han and zuo wen D: Paper II only close passage a little brain-frying.
11th Nov – 1111, should be a good day. Are you sneezing? Because… nvm. Hm, Clit. 4 words for it: What kind of questions! For the seen xiao shuo part, I think no one studied because last year came out already and it’s a new subject so highly impossible they’ll repeat the text. For seen shi, I crapped my way through seriously. For unseen, I did shi too. Ohmy, I never thought I will do 2 shi and this time, I did. What the cow.
12th Nov – Almost everyone is slacking already lol. Biology. Not a single question from past years. Whatever. Last paper tmr!
13th Nov – What a good day to end Os on Friday the 13th but whatever, it's the last day! As soon as the clock struck 9, you hear the whole secondary block celebrating lol. River Island wallet from Mummy as a gift for surviving Os, thank you!
Now after Os, I’ve a never-ending to-do list waiting for me. Impt stuff on hand: (1) Barker’s carnival and Island (!!) with Huai Chyn, (2) Shopping with Maori News Cast (without Anthia) for Chengyi’s dress, (3) Meetings for prom/grad night (whatever you call it but prom is shorter to spell/say), (4) Prom rehearsal, (5) Prom, (6) Sports-day-cum-moving-out-ceremony (HA HA HA, I’m not taking Os in that holding site!), (7) Pack my room (woohoo I love the sound of papers flying down the chute). Oh yes, and practice how to walk and dance in heels. –cry big time- I will update the rest slowly (:
Excellent is better than Best.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Walk In Love #662
不会爱 - 飞轮海;
只好让礼物安静躺在我口袋
宁愿看著你跟他快乐聊到笑开
当用情两字不足形容我情感
心情都随你转弯
耳机他轻轻吻我耳朵 爱情更听不完
适合我们的从不是浪漫
你不会爱 我的爱 我明白
你的最爱 那一块 哪天我才存在
我不会爱 你的爱 受伤害
所以宁愿安静的等待
只剩下冰冷空气陪我一整晚
寂寞却多到塞车根本无法动弹
一翻身我在半夜突然就醒来
梦里你的唇柔软
爱你我慢不下来没有哪一天例外
愿自己比快我会赶上你未来
你不会爱 我的爱 我明白
你的最爱 那一块 哪天我才存在
我不会爱 你的爱 受伤害
所以宁愿安静的等待
不怕空白
6 + 9 hours later, I'll start missing Os.
Monday, November 09, 2009
Walk In Love #661
Something's wrong with me. It's not that I don't have enough sleep or what but recently, I get dizzy spells easily. Just like at the library just now. For a moment, everything around me was spinning as if I'm on a roller coaster. The world was upside-down. The buzzing sound got so loud I thought I'm going deaf then it stopped almost immediately.
Sigh, tell me nothing's wrong :/
I will work hard, for you for me.
"Of all goodbyes, the kind that which hurt the most was the one your ears never heard of, yet your heart knew it's already been said."
I don't matter, as long as you're fine;
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Walk In Love #660
It was hardcore, 2 Lit papers and Biology paper II. Too much of memory work and writing. It left us hanging by the thread, sort of. The hand crushed on the table as soon as the clock struck 4.15pm. It's too much for someone small like me. I can't possibly carry it on my back (I'm now <40kg but I'm annoyed because I'm putting/losing weight at the wrong places -.-). That's not the point; the point is: It's getting a little too difficult to breathe, literally.
Leaving someone behind means you only want the best for her/him, even if it means swallowing the sad reality that, the best just isn't you.
I'll go away, just to see you smile;
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Walk In Love #659
Why
Is
It
So
Hard
To
Live&
Breathe.
Walk In Love #658
(1) I dreamt that I had to kill someone, two in fact (if you consider a foetus as one), in order to save another. It left me rather traumatised.
(2) Damn those headaches. I can't study. And with two Lit papers and one Biology paper II, it spells information overload. Kaboomz, I'm serious.
(3) I went fb for a little while and guess what I saw. A group on "I Studied Venice For O levels 2009 but never come out for O levels 2009!" and well, I'm glad to say I didn't study, although I thought I knew it was definitely coming out. One, it's a hot topic. Two, it didn't come out last year. Hee, I feel evil because I'm laughing now!
(4) I've the sudden urge to gatecrash campfires and/or gangshows.
(5) Birthday reminders make me start missing people. It began with my dear Yanyee who left B&JCo for Canada, then Ruth who left SNGS for NYGH, 1Wisdom'06 that most awesome class ever, 2Truth'07 the year and class filled with crazy stuff and dramatic friends, B&JCo whom I miss having last-Friday-of-the-month recesses with, 14th SLC extraODINAry, 15th SLC per[fac]tion, my Pyxies who can fly without Red Bull, AmandaMak for being the loveliest Airen, Kairou for being the greatest 24h friend and Emopartner, and many many more. I don't know why but these nostalgic feelings make me want to do something, anything. Just for them.
Don't complain that your friends are left with one or two papers and you're left with 6. I've got eight to go and some others have even more, ma'am -.-
Friday, October 30, 2009
Walk In Love #657
I told myself, I'm going to own you but you got me owned like !@#$%^&*()_+ instead.
Why am I so stubborn? I should have listen to Mrs Tan and given up all hope on you.
Why am I so foolish? I thought songs weren't just songs; that miracles do actually happen and I let myself believe it.
I studied so hard and I prayed so fervently. I thought I actually started to fall in love with you because you weren't that difficult to understand after all. I actually enjoy substituting and trigo-ing and differentiating and integrating you.
I went in, grasping on to that slight hope I'm left with, but in the end, you killed me, like totally. I should have given you up for good.
I have had a really bad day in school.
Period.
#6 papers/3 subjects down, 10papers/5 subjects to go
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Walk In Love #656
Please don't let me see/hear anything related to HiC for now, please...
Heart attack, snap.
Operation Os is going to begin in 39 hours time.
P.S. Meeting Zoey at macs, 10.45AM, for late breakfast before first paper! Don't forget entry proof, ezlink/IC and pencilcase! Simple pleasures make the worst better (: